Home for the Holidays

Vera spent Friday the 19th with us. Martha had loaned us her ‘Prince Caspian’ (Narnia) DVD to watch after dinner. After some minor technical difficulties, I got it to play on Kelsey’s laptop (that she named ‘Claudius’ for reasons known only to her – I don’t ask anymore). It’s kind of nice that Vera is starting to let her guard down around us, although she is still self-conscious about her English. She has, at our encouragement, taken it on to find the English tutor to continue her lessons. Perhaps since no one knew when this would happen, she backed away from learning English.

Saturday morning found us on the 6th level of Europa Mall for breakfast. It was really kind of nice feeding three people for only about 70 hryvnia (about $10). Vera still stumbles through her conversations with us but appears to be a little more confident although still very self-conscious.

Back to the room to finish packing. Many of the things we brought over for Vera went to Michelle’s on Friday night, so Vera knows where to find them. Some adjustments to the packing and we have everything packed tight in the bags. Hope nothing breaks.

Vera went with us to the airport since she had never been there before. The airport was definitely a new experience for her; it has cold metal seats for everyone in the cold drafty main lobby. As our 1 p.m. check in time approaches, Vera knows she can't go beyond the doors to see us off; she decides it is time to go. Outside to show her where the mashukas are; then back in for “Poka” (bye) hugs & kisses. Vera looks at Mari and asks "Mama, why you cry?" Mari tries to explain that there are happy tears for the adoption being approved and sad tears that we are leaving for just a little while. We don't want to leave, but we have much to do at home and not much we can do here. We have Skype and e-mail and we intend to use it as much as possible.

Our trip home includes an overnight stay in Vienna... Hope our luggage makes it. Unbeknown to us, the hotel we stayed at was right across the street from the airport as we requested shuttle service to/from the airport in our online reservation. It's nice to know someone got a good laugh at our expense. Nice room, reasonable and fairly quiet. Being in a strange city after dark and not knowing the language, our sense of adventure was not too great; we stayed close to home, having dinner and breakfast across the street at the airport (cheaper than the hotel).

Ten hours on an airplane (we were thinking only 7 or 8) to Washington Dulles...

‘Are we there yet?’
‘No.’
‘Are we there yet?’
‘No.’
‘Are we there yet?’
‘No.’
‘Are we there yet?’
‘YES!’
‘Really?’
‘No.’

We clear the first line at customs, then on to the luggage return. Come to find out we only have ONE bag... Where are the other two? Well, apparently they were only checked through to Dulles and went to the other line.

‘Where are my bags?’
‘They'll be here in 30 minutes.’
‘You told us that 20 minutes ago’
‘They're on their way.’
‘We have a connecting flight in 20 minutes and still have to clear customs’
‘You have plenty of time’
‘Right. So Austrian Airlines will be footing my bills if I miss my connection?’
No response.

We get our bags and finish running the gamut through Customs. One of Murphy's laws kicks in: The shortest line, will most inevitably, move the slowest. The people in Customs were excellent. They did their best to ensure it was a fast and painless trip through the line. Now, it's off to the next conveyors to drop off our bags; then continue to the United Airline gate for our flight. We made it there in time, just to learn that the flight is delayed. What to do? Will we make our next connection? Will our luggage make it?

Patience...

Mari went over to Wendy's for a soda, then to a pretzel stand for some greasy, over-salted pretzel sticks. Should have had a burger...

After about a 30 minute delay, we board the aircraft. Very nice. We got an unexpected seating change to economy plus which gave us some extra legroom... WHERE WAS THAT ON THE FLIGHT FROM VIENNA?? The flight was uneventful, however due to the delay in Dulles the couple next to us would miss their connection. We made our connection (delays, delays), and get to Omaha around 11 pm.

Our luggage, however, was not as fortunate… We realized that two of our bags were only checked through to Washington. When we re-claimed them, we failed to pay attention in class and didn’t realize they were not continuing on to Omaha with us. We joined the growing line at the baggage claim office, and as I finally got a chance to explain the situation, the clerk nodded empathetically, filled out the form and told us she would call with news. In the meantime, feel free to use the online page to check the status of your luggage (as I have visions of two suitcases getting a better tour of Austria than we did).

The abridged version is that we got one bag back late Tuesday evening and the other bag (with our Christmas gifts) back on Wednesday morning… Don’t ask… I did and I’m sorry…

For now, we will enjoy the holiday season as best we can with our family knowing there is someone missing. We will keep her in our prayers, as well as the other families who are patiently waiting for their Christmas miracles.

Halftime

The mid-point of a game. A break in the action, so to speak.

This has been a game of successes in often trying situations and establishes a new starting point for a young person’s future; and it is for keeps.

Thursday, December 18th… A quick breakfast then get into our “Sunday best.” Slavik will be picking us up around 10:00 for our 10:30 hearing(s). It just stopped raining, so no worries there (no umbrella – another one of those “things we have learned”). It’s off to the races again. It still blows the mind how a city of around 2 million people can successfully fit four lanes of traffic on to a three lane road and NOT cause accidents. That would NEVER happen in the States.

Alyona is waiting for us outside the courthouse. In through the front door and the metal detector. It beeps. Alyona says something to the guards and they don’t move or say any more. She appears to be pretty well trusted in the courthouse.

More stairs… Just what bad knees really need!

We go down a narrow hallway with several doors on each side. Small benches line one side of the hallway and the hallway is busy, busy, busy. Alyona gives us about a 2 minute briefing on what will be happening in the courtroom, a couple of canned answers regarding religion and protocol of our rights (Do you understand? “Yes” Any objections? “No”) then the ever helpful advise: “Don’t be nervous.”

The courtroom appears to be fairly small, maybe 15’ x 20’, but all the furniture and 12 people makes it feel just a bit tighter.

The judge is speaking rather quickly and is not stopping to allow Alyona to keep up, but she is getting the meat of the readings to us. He thumbs through the application paperwork, and I hear “Dobra, dobra” (good, good) several times. Everything appears to be in order, or at least I hope it is. We are asked why we are petitioning the court. We ask the court to allow us to adopt Vera Dengub. The Judge asks few more questions about ourselves, and why we wish to adopt; we are keeping our answers short and to the point. The prosecutor has a couple questions for us regarding Vera’s education and where she will be going to school and what would her future hold for college, etc. She appears to be satisfied with our answers. Round 1 is complete. Everyone out of the room.

Five minutes later, Round 2 begins. The same rights are read to us again. More question and answers regarding why we wish to adopt a child of an advanced age. We explain that we have older children and she is a perfect fit with our family. More questions about our income, her education, if we would be surprised of her health condition (we understand her to be in good health), religion and what she has expressed for a future (she would like to work with children as a teacher or daycare provider). No questions, but agreement that the adoption “is in the best interest of the child” statements from the prosecutor, the administration and the trade school. Round 2 ends. Everyone out.

Another five minutes. Everyone back in… The judge begins by reading the rights and processes of the court again. We all understand and do not object. He continues to speak rather quickly through his ruling. I recall previous adoptive families mention a statement “and no one else wants them”… This seems a bit harsh, but then it is a harsh lifestyle and environment where they live.

Our translation was “…no one has come forward to answer for this child”. Much more subdued and a bit more accurate.

Well, here we are…

He continues to read the ruling of the court

“…it is in the best interest of this child to approve the application…”

Our Christmas Miracle!

In 10 days, the decree will be issued and she will officially be our daughter in Ukraine. Only then, can we continue the process to get her visa to enter the U.S. Unfortunately, we run into the holiday season in both Ukraine and the U.S. and there will not be much anyone can do until probably mid January.

This is our halftime... We are faced with the dilemma of sitting idle for nearly a month, or returning to home to tend to our daughter and our respective jobs until the government agencies re-open for business... The painful decision is to return home. We had a long discussion with Vera and she understands the need for us to return home. We love her, do not want to leave her behind, and we will be back for her.

What to do with Vera? Vera had a couple things to do on Thursday evening and went to visit with her sister Lena. Friday, Vera came to spend the night with us, and we had some things to say to her that required the help of Michelle. We continued our long talk with her, explaining that she is now a part of our family and she can come to us for anything. We also told her not to forget those she leaves behind, and we will not let that happen. Michelle has also let Vera know that she is available to provide some guidance while we are gone. We also have Skype to stay in contact with her while we return to the States for a little while.

This holiday season has richly blessed us with a new daughter and new friends in the Swinneys and Nasekos. We also felt it best to celebrate with Vera, Michelle, and our new friends, so we headed over to Pechescago (Martha and Sheila said it sounds like “Precious Cargo). Good food, good people, and good conversation always make for a good evening.

Just smile and wave, boys, smile and wave…

We have had many frustrations over the past three weeks as we rather impatiently wait to receive our court date. The first document (administration’s rubber stamp) was really not needed, and the original of Vera’s letter was delivered to the SDA on the 16th (the fax on the 15th wasn’t adequate). So we continue on as court will happen on the 18th.

Our (my) patience has worn thin on a few occasions. Mari has been my sanity through this whole process, and for the past 23 years, she has been my sanity in many other insane times.

I think often of the penguins from the movie “Madagascar”… “Just smile and wave!” That simple phrase puts a lot of things into perspective. If you’re in a situation you can’t do much about, “just smile and wave!” It doesn’t do much good, but it makes one feel just a little bit better about a not so good situation. You have the ability to take things in stride and press on (laugh, if necessary) until you CAN make adjustments.

The 17th, we were on pins and needles all day long waiting for a word… any word about whether or not we would have court. There was so much we didn’t know, especially since the rules tend to keep getting changed in the process. Early afternoon, we decided to ping Alyona to see if she had heard anything… The SDA had not responded, and usually processes application requests at noon, and again at 6 pm… Okay, we’ve waited this long, what’s a few more hours?

What to do in the meantime? Well, faith in the belief that we would have court told us we should take Vera shopping for black shoes and some slacks or a skirt (no skirt, though she looked very nice in the one she tried on). Off we go to Athena (Afina) mall… A phone call and 30 minutes later we have a translator (Lena) and an entourage (Olya and another friend, Anna). Shopping for the slacks went fairly quick. They're a bit long, but Mari can measure and hem them up in no time. Shoe shopping, however was a different story… Things are just a bit pricey in the mall. Olya and Anna disappear to find a shop that may be close by.

So while we wait, it’s down to the food court for pizza. Lena orders, then, says “What do you want?” “Pepperoni is fine”… okay… So we now have two large pizzas coming for four people. I weigh more than Lena & Vera combined, and the thought crosses my mind—Are we going to eat all of this? Not to worry… A Phone call with news of a nearby shoe store (near the mashukas) and 10 minutes later, two more people (again I outweigh both of them combined) arrive and our problem is solved.

As we eat, the long awaited phone call comes in… The SDA has approved the application, it will be on the overnight train to Odessa and we will have court on Thursday!!!

With the good news in hand, we continue to eat… What happens next, you just had to be there… We get down to the last three or four slices of pizza; the six of us had our fill, but we don’t want it to go to waste. I choke down another slice, then Lena grabs the last slice of pepperoni, slaps it upside down on the last slice of ham/cheese/red pepper, picks up the pizza “sandwich” and puts it up to Vera’s mouth… Vera, being somewhat resourceful, takes a bite, puts it to Lena’s mouth; she takes a bite, then repeating the process with Anna & Olya, going around at least twice to get as much of the pizza eaten as possible.

Off to the shoe store… Four girls in a shoe store… Enough said.

Just smile and wave, boys, smile and wave... and don't forget your wallet.

Praying for a Christmas Miracle…

Just when you think everything is going your way, someone, or something always manages to throw a wrench in the works. Murphy (Murphy's law) just happens to rear his ugly head at some of the most inopportune times and we seem to have this omni-present black cat crossing our path on an almost daily basis. It's just another one of those little tests of faith.

Our paperwork was sent in to SDA last Wednesday, December 10th, and we have a tentative court date for December 18th. From here we would be running in to the holidays and nothing else would get done until after the 12th of January.

This is okay… Even with having court on the 18th, we could return to the states and to our jobs for about 2 or 3 weeks and save some of our vacation time until the Ukraine government and the Embassy open back up and we can return to Ukraine to finish the adoption.

Vera has spent Sunday night with us again, but this time she brings a translator along (her sister Lena). That’s cheating!!! Monday she went to the administration building to write and sign her statement that she wants to be adopted. Then off to school…

I had some rather lengthy discussions with Alyona, Dima, and an e-mail to Oleg to see if there is anything that can be done, since the SDA continues to change the rules and not let anyone know until after-the-fact. (A New Level of Frustration)

The director of the Administration had a lengthy conversation with the SDA and an agreement was made that the “rubber stamp” was not required by the administration (this time). The SDA is still, however, waiting for Vera’s statement. The fax sent by Alyona was not sufficient; they need an original signature. The letter went on the train Monday night and should be in the SDA on Tuesday.

The update from Alyona tells us that with the original signed letter from Vera, we should have a resolution this week and we could still possibly have court on Thursday. I chuckled and said “So there’s still hope for a Christmas miracle for us.” After a brief pause, she laughs and tells me that it’s good I can still laugh about this… Laughter is just one way we deal with stress…

So, yes, our Christmas miracle is that the SDA can apply just a LITTLE common sense to their process and think about the children just a little bit MORE. Also, that all of us adopting who are here now, and those yet to come, can get just a little better case handling to expedite the process.

The complexity of the English Language…

Saturday night, Mari and I were having a conversation with Jay & Martha Swinney and Matthew and Sheila Nasekos.

The conversation revolved around the complexity of the English language and how we are collectively trying to communicate with our Ukrainian children. The children’s grasp of the language is adequate. However there are so many little things that provide so much confusion that we periodically get the proverbial “deer in the headlights” look from them (‘I don’t understand’).

Take for example: “Today”, “Tuesday”, “two days” and “tomorrow”. The sounds are so much alike and the children’s comprehension of our language is still in work; it’s easy to get them confused because of the “to” sound at the beginning of the word. They don’t hear much after the first syllable…

How about: ‘Two’ (the number), ‘to’ (directional ‘point A to point B), and ‘too’ (also). Enough said…

We are also having issues with: “By” (beside), “buy” (to purchase) and “bye” (good-bye, I’m leaving, see you later). We wish to buy something, but Vera is thinking “bye-bye” so we have to tell her we are going shopping (THAT she understands)…

The beat goes on… The language barrier works both ways… One thing I have learned is that portions of the Cyrillic (Russian/Ukrainian) alphabet is derived from the Greek alphabet. Letters/symbols that we are unaccustomed to have a place here; the symbols resembling letters of the English alphabet do not always sound like what we are used to. While I may have some of the letters figured out, I still don’t have a clue on all of the sounds.

The letter ‘C’ in the English alphabet has either a hard (‘K’) or a soft (‘S’) sound… Here it is always the soft sound. What appears to be the English letter ‘P’ actually comes from the Greek letter ‘Rho’ and makes what we know as the “R” sound... These are the simple ones I have figured out… Their “P” sound/symbol is derived from the Greek letter “Pi”, and what we know as “y” actually is the “oo” sound.

And this is just the tip of the iceberg... We have so much to learn, and so little time!

Back to McDonalds: Ice Cream (McFlurry) and some hot tea (I couldn’t remember the word)… The young lady behind the counter was doing her best to try to understand; all the while smiling in that “deer in the headlights / I don’t understand” kind of way… Pictures helped with the McFlurry, but, trying to convey “tea”, was a bit more challenging… I was thinking about the people who ordered tea before us, and was motioning to where a tray was sitting not 30 seconds earlier hoping she would get the picture. Then it dawned on me…

‘Kava’ (coffee), then ‘tea’… “Kava, nyet”…
“Ahhh… Kai (chai)”…
"Da, kai!"

We got hot tea.

As for the McFlurry? We settled for chocolate…

A New Level of Frustration

Saturday comes and goes with us doing what we have been doing for the past nearly three weeks… Waiting…

This week, we did get to make some new acquaintances in Jay & Martha Swinney from New Mexico and Matthew & Sheila Nasekos from Mississippi, in addition to the Pretres and the Pushes, who are also adopting from Ukraine. Welcome to our world. Knowing we are not alone makes this much more bearable.


Starting from the top left: Martha & Jay Swinney; Mari & Brad Wildeman; Sheila & Matthew Nesekos; Mark, Nancy & Alan Pretre

Here we are, waiting for our Thursday, December 18 court date (emphasize ‘Waiting’). We haven’t heard from Alyona in a couple of days, so, it’s time to ping her to see if we are still on track. Bad news… The SDAPRC in their finite wisdom and in their efforts to “look out for the best interest of the children” have once again changed the rules and are requiring more paperwork. As for the rules being changed in the middle of the game… Doesn’t one think it would benefit all involved parties to know what those rule changes are? Also, shouldn’t adequate guidance and necessary tools be provided to ensure smooth transition to the new rule set?

Per the new rule changes, the SDA requires the Administration in Odessa to notarize/stamp our application (not previously required and they don’t have a stamp to put on it) AND they want a statement from Vera stating she actually WANTS to be adopted (also not previously required). What does that mean to us?? It means that our court date could possibly be pushed back until mid-January (After the Orthodox Christmas holiday). If that happens, the adoption will probably not be completed until mid- February.

Oh! To be a consultant in Ukraine!!! Just think about how much the process could be streamlined.

We are also dealing with health issues for our daughter back home. We’re not exactly sure what’s going on yet. Mari’s parents are there to help out, so we have some peace of mind, but it’s not the same as being there and being directly involved with the process. Thursday evening I spent nearly 6 hours on the Skype phone (at 2 cents a minute – SPECIBA!!!) between our insurance company and three different medical facilities to get necessary referrals and appointments so she could have tests done on Friday. Keep Kelsey in your thoughts and prayers that it is not serious.

Please keep the Swinneys, Pretres, Nasekos, Pushes and us in your thoughts and prayers during this holiday season in Ukraine. Pray that at some point in time the SDAPRC will apply some common sense to the adoption process and actually look out for the children rather than their own interests.


"Charlie Brown" Christmas tree in Kompot restaurant

Skating

After our dinner with Vera and Olya on Sunday night, we walked to a nearby inflatable dome along side of the road which just so happens to be a skating rink…

We get inside and pay the admission. They give you this coded card, which is everything, from skate and locker rental to getting on and off the ice… Lose it, and you will be shelling out another 45 hryvnia to get a new one.

Mari would LOVE to skate with us, however, she is facing arthroscopic surgery when we get home and must be left watching from the sidelines. I have a great deal of empathy for her with my own bad knees, ankle, back, etc…

Advise from Mari? “Don’t do anything stupid!”

Too late.

Do I skate well? It’s been a long time, and the last ones I wore had wheels. My sense of adventure of course, sometimes gets the better of me. I’m also thinking that I had been downhill skiing on some of the finer bunny slopes of Minnesota and Mari, the kids and I have been rollerblading on Guam and cross country skiing on some of the flattest, moose-infested trails in Alaska, so I’m thinking the principle should apply and this can’t be all that difficult.

Let us start by saying that timing is everything… We get inside the rink and get our skates just in time for the ice to be cleared of wayward skaters and the Zamboni to come out and groom the ice. So while we wait for the ice to set, we put on our skates. Much can be said about the ankle support of hockey skates, however wearing bootie socks to go ice skating was mistake #1 (some chafing, but surprisingly, no blisters).

We get on the ice… white knuckle death grip on the boards along the edge until I find some semblance of balance, then it’s time to let go… Push & glide, push & glide; that’s all there is to it, right? After all, hockey players and figure skaters can do this and make it look so, so, easy… Mistake number 2 begins with the fact that I am 40-something, just a pound or two or 50 overweight and who’s athleticism has gone by the wayside oh, about 20 years ago.

The first lap away from the boards… Push and glide, then all of a sudden… Hands on my back and the sensation of being pushed… I can handle this… Don’t do anything to cost balance and fall. The next thought was “how long is this train going to get?” The push lasted just a lap or so, then it’s on to more conventional means. Vera, Olya & I manage to make several more laps around the ice as we watch others fall around us then pick themselves up, laughing the whole time. My ultimate goal is not to fall (and make a fool of myself). Perhaps this was mistake number 3… Not falling… Maybe the true goal here actually IS to fall and pick ourselves back up to continue on. This is where the fun REALLY is…

After my lack of conditioning and overuse of underused muscles kicked in, I resigned from the ice. Mari and I watch from the sidelines as Vera and Olya continue skating for just a while longer… Falling, picking themselves back up and laughing the whole time.

The Home Front

This morning over breakfast, Mari reminded me of something so important yet so simple that it completely slipped my mind… I have yet to mention our own kids on this blog site and how important they are in this process. I have been presented with a big serving of humble pie with a heaping side dish of reality.


Andy & Kelsey are 20 and 18, respectively. They are high school graduates and currently the keepers of (several of) our affairs back in Nebraska. This is a big step for all four of us as Mari and I have entrusted them with a great deal of responsibility. Are they ready for it or not? Looks like they don't have much choice. It seems so unfair to thrust so much on them, but as we look around here, it really isn’t (unfair). There are children, yes, children in the States, here in Ukraine and in several other areas who either take on responsibility or have it thrust upon them to make lives and fend for themselves at age 16, sometimes younger.

Back at the home front, Andy & Kelsey are working their jobs and Kelsey is taking classes at Metro Community College in Elkhorn, NE. In addition, they are managing our accounts to pay the bills we can’t pay online, buying groceries, fixing their own meals, taking care of the animals and keeping up with our typical household chores; much like when we were home without the added luxury of having Mom & Dad around to provide guidance and support and do the things they normally don’t do.

We do have access to internet and e-mail, as well as Skype ® to communicate with them on an almost daily basis either via chat room or an actual face-to-face video. It does not take a whole lot of time to set up or get connected; it’s just ensuring we can find that window of opportunity to compensate for the 8 hour time difference between here & there. The only other curse is the intermittent internet connection.

This past weekend we were able to “Skype” with the kids while Vera was here. Okay, so the language barrier kicks in again and we’re limited to “How are you?” “I am fine.” “What did you do today?” “Nothing.” And other simple question/answer sessions. There is a sense of reality that we are getting close to completing the adoption, just how close is yet to be determined.

We have also hooked Mari’s mom up with Skype and have been able to fill her in on our current status and tell her what we’ve been doing (other than sitting around in our small apartment) and to key her in on the kids.

The Skype phone was another great addition to the plan. For a (phe)nominal fee, we got a U.S. based phone number and have been able to strategically place phone calls to people we wanted or needed to talk to back home… Like the unexpected birthday calls to Mari’s mom and my aunt or a call to my dad to let him know we are okay (it got cut off… Speciba, Ukrainian internet).

It makes our day complete to know that one of them is on the other end and we can share some of the things we have done. Play 20 questions about what needs to be done around the house and/or what has been accomplished in their day.

How was work?
How was class?
Has anyone called to check up on you? Who?
Did the bills get paid and what’s coming due?

Finally, we tell them we can’t wait to get back home, we love them, we miss them more than one can imagine and we are so proud of them for shouldering our normal burdens.

Weekend at…

Friday begins with… You guessed it… A whole bunch of idle time.

Fortunately for us, we have been invited to Michelle Maly’s apartment for lunch and an escape from our own apartment. We’ve been in Odessa a week, and still haven’t taken the bus anywhere, so here’s our first experience with public transportation on the local “Mashuka” (bus). The 133 bus takes us from about a block (the city blocks here are a bit longer than one finds in the states) or so south of the Afina Mall (major landmark in downtown Odessa), runs all over creation and winds up probably about 4 or 5 blocks from Michelle’s.

We have lunch with Michelle and the Pretre family, who are also here to adopt. Lunch is fairly simple; pizza toppings on French bread, which actually was pretty good. The apple/raisin salad also did hit the spot with the cinnamon adding some flavor. Conversation was also interesting, discussing anything from lifestyles back home, future for the children we are adopting and some of the frustrations we have all had in the process.

After lunch Alan, Michelle and I sat down to play a different variant of scrabble… Only you’re on your own. You have your own set of tiles, and you build what you can. When all your tiles are used, say “take two” and everyone draws two more tiles, tries to build on what they have, and the process repeats until all tiles are used. After about 3 or 4 rounds of this, it’s getting to be close to 3 pm, and Michelle and the Pretres are off to the orphanage, so Mari and I catch the 133 back.

There is a sandwich shop nearby, so we decide that we will give it a whirl. No English menu, but lots of pictures and the waitress spoke it well enough to get the point across. Wasn’t really impressed with the sandwiches, but they were okay. We tried kvas, which is a honey-wheat flavored beverage (no fizz); best way I can describe it is that it is almost like a real thin syrup. Just a little too sweet for me. The rest of Friday evening is uneventful for us. DVD and no popcorn… The microwave is not the greatest… It takes 10 minutes to maybe pop just over half a bag of popcorn, and it’s burnt at that; so no microwave popcorn until we get a different oven. We have also discovered some unwelcome guests… We have ants. Mr. Landlord will be hearing about this first thing Monday.

Saturday, Vera was supposed to come over, oh around 1:00 p.m. We wait, thinking that she just may be on time and by herself… Nope… 1:00 rolls around, no Vera… Call Michelle… No Michelle (she has her phone bagged up somewhere and can’t hear it… Call Michelle’s other phone… Okay… fill her in on the details… Maybe Vera's just running a little late. Actually call Vera, despite the language barrier, and she understands more than she lets on… I will be there between 3 and 4. Great, it’s now time to avert cabin fever.

Off to the bookstore at the end of the street to look for a Russian-English dictionary that might actually be helpful as far as pronouncing the letters of the Cyrillic alphabet (fat chance). In any event, we can still communicate by finding the word, point & grunt, have Vera say the word in Russian then try to explain it in English… Talking louder to someone who does not understand STILL does not work. But once again, I digress… We have been craving ice cream, and there is a Baskin Robbins just across the street from the mall…

Vera finally shows up with her friend Olya. What to do for dinner? We’re thinking pizza, but the only place we can think of that’s nearby is in the Athena (Afina) mall. We go, it’s packed, we leave and head for Kompot, a nicer restaurant with English menus and English speaking waitresses. Vera & Olya order whatever it is they ordered. It looked like a salad or maybe a personal sized casserole with meat & mushrooms and then got a “personal” size pizza that was big enough to feed two (each). Mari orders three meat cutlets with mashed potatoes and grilled vegetables, while I get something called pelmeni. Best descriptor is boiled small meat (beef & pork) ravioli and is served with mayonnaise or sour cream. It is quite tasty. Had I known how filling it was going to be, I would have skipped the mashed potatoes and just stuck with the grilled vegetables.
Broken language and miscommunication aside, it was a pleasant meal and we all had a nice time. And before all of this is over, Vera says something to the waitress, who returns… with ice cream. We finish, head to the mall to pick up some water and a couple other things, then back to the room in time for Michelle to come over for a re-match in dominoes… Before they leave, Vera & Olya invite us to Olya’s apartment for dinner on Sunday.

Sunday… It’s raining and has been for I guess most of the night. One never realizes how annoying rain hitting a metal roof is until you’re trying to sleep. Gloom & doom outside, we think best to stay home (no umbrella – Note for Things We Have Learned -- Bring an umbrella for those inclement days). Vera told us she would be by about 2:00 to pick us up. We are on their time clock, so add at least an hour maybe an hour and a half to that. About 3:30 she shows up. It’s still raining… To the bus stop to catch the 130 bus to the north end of Odessa. The bus ride takes us to, well the best comparison in the states would be, “The Projects”. There are several apartment buildings in the area, most in dire need of paint on the outside and sidewalk repairs (read “mud trails between the buildings”). Who are we to judge? This, after all, is their home.

Into a tiny three room (about 500 s.f.) apartment with few furnishings. Like many of the buildings we have been in, it is in disrepair and needs a lot of help with floor covering, lighting and plumbing, etc. I can say this… It is their home, it is clean, they are proud of it, and we respect them for it.

On the menu is borscht. However, this recipe was not the traditional beet soup we are used to hearing of; instead this was more on the line of a beef stew with potatoes, cabbage, onions, and a tomato base and served with sour cream. Also on the menu are fried chicken cutlets and a big, heaping plate of mashed potatoes… These young ladies are our hosts and they worked hard to prepare this very fine and delicious meal for us. We are grateful for all they did for us with what little they had…

The Paper Chase

We're a bit behind, and these are some catch-up highlights from the past week. There's a bit of a trend here; Hurry up and wait.

Monday is pretty much an idle day… We get a phone call and visit from Alyona, who of course needs some additional documents, but has been able to handle most of the process without us. She and Slavik have been such models of efficiency that I wonder sometimes why we are here. Then I come to the reality that this is not exactly about us.

So… It’s time to avert some cabin fever. Today we walked in the other direction and found the Odessa Opera house. The architecture never ceases to amaze us. So much detail on such a large building, makes on wonder how long it actually took to build it. We understand it has been renovated within the past few years and is well worth the visit. We have been looking through the schedule of events and are trying to figure out what would be a good night to go. It’s not like going to the Orpheum in Omaha, where you get a Broadway-type show set up and it is there for a week or so at a time. They are changing literally every night. How? Why? Don’t know probably simpler backdrops… We will have to take in a show and post about it later.

Museums and another walking park near the Black Sea. This one seems to be a more traditional tree-lined path (with polished granite pavers). Picturesque, even for December and no foliage, although as we look around some trees are still clinging to the last bit of autumn…

Ah, yes… The Paper Chase… Good movie… Wait… wrong one… David Wolff probably said it best in his blog about The Paper… Nothing can be started nor can anything be done without it… What is this elusive piece of paper??? It all started with some forms we filled out back in the states some 16 months ago. Passports, then progressing to a home study and a dossier (that we had to chase more papers to update) and more papers in Ukraine basically stating that yes, we want to adopt; and this is the child we wish to adopt and so on.. Our papers have not been really elusive but appear to be almost non-existent; we see them long enough to provide signatures and since they are all in Ukrainian, and we probably wouldn’t be able to read them anyway. But again… I digress… Each paper, as Dr. David said, serves a purpose, and each paper is the basis for the next..

Tuesday, we were taken across the city to the Trade school where Vera is attending. On the way, we pick up a young lady from “the Administration” building. We arrive at the school and Vera is waiting for us… No fear, no apprehension and hugs all around and the look on the social worker’s face is priceless…

Inside the trade school, past the guard and through a turnstile, it’s up 5 flights of steps in an unlit, wide stairwell to an unlit hallway (unless you count natural light through the windows). The linoleum on the floor is old, mismatched and bubbled up throughout; all a U.S. building inspector’s worst nightmare… Now, it’s hurry up and wait… After about 10 minutes in this hallway, (Vera disappears into a classroom and reappears several times while we are waiting) we go back down to the third floor to actually meet with the director. Hurry up and wait… Patience really is a virtue here…

Into a rather large, well lit office with large windows with a single desk with a table & 4 chairs extending from it, another table with some odds & ends from the classes, and various photos of previous classes and their work (it is a sewing school - I have other thoughts that will remain reserved). We sit at the table next to the desk, and Vera pops in with Lydia (her teacher). The director is heavy set, rather gruff looking with fairly unkempt hair and thick glasses and has a deep gravelly voice. We do the cursory question/answer session (tell us about yourselves and your family? How did you hear about Vera? How do your children feel about you adopting? And the beat goes on…) We discuss many things: Our thoughts for education, how Vera will fit in with the family, Vera’s future, etc. She directs a monologue to Vera telling her that she must work hard to become a responsible adult and a “good person”. We tell the director that our goal is to help guide her in the right direction and help her succeed in life. Vera & Lydia leave… I give Vera a hug, then the director says something to her. All I caught was “Mama” and Vera comes back to hug Mari… again, the looks are priceless…

We are offered coffee and chocolate. My thought here is that this actually is a good sign. As the director listens, the social worker asks us what Vera has said to us regarding a future. Well, she will return to high school, learn English and establish a strong learning foundation. From there, college (University) to pursue her future.. Vera has expressed interest in working with small children, perhaps a teacher… The surprised look again is priceless…The meeting ends, the director shakes our hands and wishes us well. Then it’s back into the dingy stairwell down and out to the street…

From here, it’s off to another building to apparently get some kind of an ID number so we can start more paperwork in preparation for the adoption… We stop at the Notary’s office… Oh to be a Notary here!!! People have told us of this, but it’s one of those things you have to see for yourself. There is no such thing as a general notary here; they all appear to be specialized, and have their own office… Efficient? Not really… It does, however, appear to ensure some job security… Documents are prepared in a separate office on official-looking parchment paper, brought to the notary, who MANUALLY logs them into a book (it looks like she is transcribing what is on the paper into the book - Hmmm… Isn‘t that called “File / Save“ in MS Word? - Maybe a simple MS Access Database can solve part of this) . Alyona translates the document to us, we sign then she signs the papers. Then the notary turns the book around, the we sign again, then Alyona signs again… A lot of repetition. One would think that this process could be streamlined just a LITTLE bit.

The trade school has never experienced an adoption out of the school before, so Internot #4, where Vera was a resident has graciously offered assistance to complete paperwork. Wednesday is another idle day, and we get a call from Alyona who has papers for us to sign, followed by a visit from Slavik who actually has the papers. We sign them and with signed papers in hand, he disappears… The man has an amazing mode of stealth… Later in the day, Alyona calls to tell us she will hopefully be able to go file some paperwork with the court and if the judge signs them, they are off to the Administration, then to Kyiv.

Thursday is another idle day… Hikes to a nearby church, back to the apartment for lunch, then to the Opera House, Archaeological Museum, and Potemkin stairs, then back to the apartment for supper and just hang out, read, watch a movie and sleep.

As we continue the Paper Chase, we are told by Alyona that we apparently are quite advanced for just being here just over a week. Are the documents done correctly and to everyone’s satisfaction? Perhaps the holidays bring out the best in people. Perhaps because this is an older child, the process is slowly reverting to something more streamlined and they would like to help expedite things… and then again, we may be exactly where we need to be… The Master has this worked out, and in due time, we will know.

Things we have learned

It’s been just over a week now and we are in wait mode to hear back from Alyona and/or Dima about our court date. We’ve made some good impressions (or at least we think we have) on our hosts, and we have learned a few other things along the way that none of the adoption websites will tell you. If you are frequent international travelers, this is probably old news. For those who are leaving the US for the first time, this may be of interest to you…

1) While you are here for your adoption, there will be A LOT of idle time (hurry up and wait). Work to prevent “cabin fever”. For those of us here trying to adopt, this is not truly a vacation, per se. Included in the adoption process is an opportunity to experience a new culture. There is plenty to do if you just look for it. If you can’t get out ensure you have a hobby (reading/sewing/crosswords/computer work, etc).

2) Pack for more than one season… Early December in Odessa brings temperatures a bit warmer than we are used to for a city near the latitude of Bismark, North Dakota or Duluth, Minnesota. Perhaps the Black Sea has a bit to do with that as well. We prepared for true winter, with temperatures in the 20’s and 30’s. In reality, they have been in the low to mid 50’s, and we actually are dressing a bit too warm right now. Follow the weather maps/forecasts and plan accordingly. Also, pack some sweats, shorts, sleep pants and extra t-shirts for your idle time when you don’t feel like leaving the apartment.

3) Accidents happen… I will not elaborate except to say that it involves a toenail. Bring a first aid kit, complete with antibiotic/antiseptic ointment, scissors, tweezers, fingernail and toenail clippers, gauze, first aid tape, and bandages. It doesn’t have to be fancy, just functional for small ‘boo-boos’ you should be able to take care of in your apartment. If not, there are drug stores/pharmacies near by to pick up such supplies.

4) Another emergency kit to have along is a sewing kit with the most common color thread (black, blue, brown and white and at least 2-3 needles for accidental rips or lost buttons.

5) Language does not always have to be a barrier. Let me first elaborate once again by saying that speaking louder to someone who does not understand does not work… The hearing impaired have mastered sign language and can communicate effectively. Likewise, hand gestures between cultures of different languages is also an effective means of communication.. This does not excuse one from making an effort to learn words and phrases of the local language. If an effort is made to speak the local language, in most cases, an effort will be made to reciprocate.

6) Make sure your digital camera has the memory card installed and the battery is charged… We have been penalized for this because the walk taken to the Opera House, Archeological Museum and Potemkin Stairs found us without a memory card and we were unable to take pictures…

We also are rewarded by taking another walk to the Opera House, Archeological Museum (no Wiki page) and Potemkin Stairs to see what we missed the first time and actually get pictures… Besides you may miss a once in a lifetime “Kodak moment”. And, oh, by the way, make sure you have spare memory cards along in case one either goes bad, or it gets filled up and you don’t have a computer to download to.

7) In an operation of this magnitude, there are bound to be a few casualties… Our previous foreign travels took us to Guam and through Canada to Alaska, so our experience with the voltage is a new concept. Check the voltage rating on your curling iron, hair dryer, electric razor, and power supplies for your laptop, cell phone, digital camera and/or camcorder… They should read 100-240 volts... Mari’s curling iron was only rated for 120 volts and the adapter we had did not step the voltage down. It melted…

8) Contrary to popular belief… Jeans (black or dark blue, not ripped) are acceptable wear for informal situations. Casual or dress shoes are also appropriate attire. Sneakers are generally reserved for youth and tourists. Bring dress slacks for meetings requiring a bit of formality and the ever important suit/tie (men) and dresses (ladies) for a night at the opera and your adoption court appearance.

9) “When in Rome, do as the Romans do.” Much can be said for manners, however, there are situations when people will jump the que (line) to try and get to the front… I have noticed that some people will actually point to the teller and ask if you are in line (in their language), others will try to push their way to the front. Stand your ground… For the most part, however, it is an orderly society. We have found that even just a little courtesy sometimes goes a long way… (“Spacibo” = “Thank you”)

10) You will do a LOT of walking… Wear sturdy, comfortable walking shoes, and try to avoid sneakers. If sneakers cannot be avoided, darker colors or older looking shoes should be worn. We have seen men wearing dress shoes with athletic warm-ups… Doesn’t exactly match, but that is what they do here.

11) Our washing machine is possessed… First of all, it is a front loader that may be just big enough for a pair of jeans or two and maybe a towel. The spin cycle causes this tiny machine to dance across the floor as far as the power cord and the hoses will allow and the machine shakes so violently that whatever is laying on top of it winds up on the floor, not to mention the mini-earthquake that occurs in the apartment. Unfortunate side effect is that we are washing clothes every couple of days.

12) Clothes dryers do not appear to exist here… Clothes drying racks do…

13) If you get a hotel with cable and/or satellite TV… You are stuck with about 5 English speaking channels… all of them news… Bring some DVDs along if you are also bringing a laptop…

14) If you have room in your suitcase, pack some instant foods, such as breakfast bars, instant oatmeal, hot chocolate packets, tuna packets, crackers, and dried meals in a pouch (rice, noodles etc). Plastic eating utensils would have come in handy for us had we brought them along. We ate tuna and crackers in our hotel room in Kiev since we didn’t venture out much at night; it will also tide you over until you can get to the market. Also, if you are taking the bus or the train to wherever, you may want a few things to eat along the way.

15) Keep a close eye on the exchange rate. It can fluctuate daily. We normally do about $200.00 USD per transaction. Depending on your spending habits, this could last you a week.

16) When you make that trip to the market: First, any produce needs to be bagged, weighed and tagged in the produce section. If this is not done, you will be sent back to square one in the produce section. Second, when you check out, you will be charged (0.25 UAH - about 2 cents) for the bags they provide. They are heavy duty plastic and hold quite a bit, but sometimes, there is a principle involved… If you feel so inclined, the “Earth Friendly” bags found at WalMart, Target, Lowe’s or any similar store can come in pretty handy.

The list, of course is not all inclusive and these are not hard and fast rules to live by in Ukraine. One can ask 20 different people and get 20 different answers on what to bring along or what to do while you are here. Common sense and good judgment will tell you what to bring, and your sense of adventure will take you into the city.

The House Guest

Saturday brings us much needed sleep, although I am still having some issues adjusting… I can’t seem to get past about 4 am without getting up… and staying up.

The “combat shower” concept is not sitting well with either of us… Mari has more hair on her head than I do and it takes just a bit longer to get the shampoo out. I’m content with a washcloth. It’s just turning off the water every 30 - 45 seconds since the water heater doesn’t always keep up…

Later in the morning Michelle calls, and says we’re going to get a visitor… Oh really?? And just who might that be? Vera pops her head in around 1:30 in the afternoon… Her English is passable and we can at least communicate with simple words and phrases and hand gestures… I must admit, I am still no good at “Charades”, and talking louder to someone who does not understand, still does not work… We have on loan from the Pushes, a Russian to English dictionary with supposedly some 42000 words that can be translated, and about a dozen or so (that we really need) that can’t. Go figure…

Oh, what to do, what to do… Young lady without much to her name save for the clothes on her back… maybe a little more… We gave her the gift from the Haugs (mp3 player) and plugged it in to charge the battery. In the meantime, We’ll take her to lunch (McDonald’s) then go to the mall and hopefully find her some jeans that fit as well as a shirt or two…

McDonalds poses yet the same communication problem we had in the past, compounded by another layer, although we did get the chicken sandwich we actually wanted this time… After lunch, a trip to the mall… the rather expensive mall… to see what was in there. Many small shops, and we had to literally go through each one to look, to try on something, and for us to be watched suspiciously as Vera tried on clothes. The store clerks were quite anxious to take my money, though. We actually got off light that day. We returned to the room. After three hours with her, she had places to go and was off… Until Sunday.

Michelle makes her way over to our studio with Allen & Nancy Pretre, who, by the way, have some documents for us from the SDA. Alyona, our translator is looking for these particular documents, as well as some others we weren’t quite sure about. We tell her we should be back around 7:30, she can get them then. We have also been invited to an informal church service in the home of… well, names escape me right now and if I at some point don’t interact directly with them, I forget. Quite an interesting setup with good people, and interesting conversations.

Vera shows up a second time with a guest… “This is my friend… No, my sister Lena” . Lena is about 2 years or so older than Vera, and speaks English quite well… Bonus!!! A built in translator.. Sisters at that… Cheap entertainment for the evening!!! Back to McDonald’s…

Brad - “Vera, are you hungry??”
Vera - “No, I’m fine”
Mari - “Have you eaten anything today?”
Vera - “I’m fine”
Brad - “Really, you should eat something”
Vera - “I’m fine”
Lena - “She’s always hungry” followed by some Ukrainian dialog with Vera… from what we gather, it was a scolding for not eating...
Brad - “You eat… something”
Vera - “Okay - I want a Big Mac, fries, a cola… and ice cream”
Brad - “Lena would you help us order?”

We get our food. Do you remember Jethro from “The Beverly Hillbillies”? A very efficient eating machine. Basically the point is to stay out of arm’s reach, and you will be safe. We’ll just say that life imitates art.

The entertainment came from watching their exchange as only siblings do.. We can’t understand a word they are saying, but it is rather comical, to say the least. It's one of those things you just had to be there to really appreciate. The night comes to a close, and Lena & Vera go on their way. Our time here is just beginning, so we will see Lena many more times, and we are glad about that.

Cabin Fever

Much can be said about “cabin fever.” We lived it for six years in Fairbanks, Alaska, and in much, much larger living quarters. Being cramped in a small living space does tend to drive one just a little stir crazy at times.

We, of course are at the mercy of our hosts as far as appointments are concerned. Alyona is rather industrious in handling much of our paperwork without us, but there has been that one time when she needed us to sign documents. But I digress from this story line…

Time to escape… Not exactly sure where we want to go, but just go… somewhere… anywhere but the room; after all, even caged birds need to spread their wings once in a while. Unfortunately our primary mode of transportation is bipedal (our own two feet); perhaps it is fortunate, because we can see and appreciate more.

Ed told us of a park near by that is great just to get out, walk, meditate, and enjoy the scenery. Granted Ukraine in December is probably not much to look at since most of the foliage is gone. For a city (Odessa) that is about the same latitude of Bismark, North Dakota or Duluth, Minnesota, it is unseasonably warm for late November/early December with temperatures in the mid 50’s

It is a beautiful park, well kept, and busy for a beautiful Sunday afternoon. Parents walking with infants in strollers, elderly couples holding hands, young people singing/dancing for loose change in the pockets of passers-by, and the list goes on. We walk for exercise, for fresh air, and for scenery… Have we found what we are looking for? A longing for a much simpler life away from the constant drone of work or instant gratification from TV, video games, and fast food ( a cruel irony since they have McDonald‘s here)? Maybe we have found it, but this is temporary…

Sunday afternoon also finds the sidewalks full of street vendors, exactly like those in the states, with various crafts, souvenirs, etc. Language barrier? Yes & no… The people at some of the tables could speak English quite well and were able to effectively explain their crafts. Very nice, and not real expensive, so we did manage to pick up a couple things.

Cabin fever can hit us in so many different ways. The obvious manner in which we are cooped up in our apartment, and can actually expand to the point where one is in a city of over 1,000,000 people and “there’s nothing to do”. The best way we found to avoid, or at least reduce the effects of it, is to actually find something to do, whether it be read a book, do a crossword, or take a walk around the block. It may not change your surroundings, but you may just find something new in them.